


Bad At Love

by Wolfstarmakesmewet



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, M/M, the very SLIGHTEST hint that there might possibly be smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 07:26:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17803631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfstarmakesmewet/pseuds/Wolfstarmakesmewet
Summary: In which James Potter is really trying his best to help a friend out, Sirius Black is terrible at flirting, and Remus Lupin flirts TOO much.





	Bad At Love

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a real life story when I was in high school and had to convince my friend that drawing her crush and showing him would probably not get her the results she desired.

Exactly one year ago on this day, James Potter promised Sirius Black that he’d help him finally ask out the love of his life. There were, of course, some problems with this promise that James could see now that he was looking in hindsight. The first was that he did not anticipate quite how long this whole operation could take. This is entirely his own fault, because he should have known that he could not make Sirius better at flirting in just a few months. He was absolutely hopeless, and at this rate, he wouldn’t even be decent five years from now. When the school year had ended and they’d graduated Hogwarts, he’d thought that would finally be their opportunity to really fine-tune Sirius’s skills. What with Sirius and James living in flats close to each other, and finally being able to enter the muggle pubs in their area. James had a whole plan for Sirius to get a little bit tipsy- loosen him up just a little- and direct him to practice flirting with the pub’s patrons. The problem with this, however, is that Sirius did not want to practice flirting with other people, because “James, you don’t understand, I’m in love. How do you not get it? You finally get with Lily and suddenly you have no sympathy for my struggle?”

This leads to the second problem James is having with this entire operation. Sirius Black is a drama queen. Again, this should not come as a surprise to James, who has now known Sirius for eight years and 28 days, and subsequently known that Sirius was a drama queen for eight years and 27 days. This meant when it came to ‘doing business’ with his friend, James had to be wary of what he said. Of course, they could have deep talks where Sirius was completely understanding but when it came to the topic of love, he could easily be an EGOT winner with the amount of production that came out of him. And while James fully believed that his friend was in ‘like’, there was a sliver of doubt within him that Sirius was actually in love. James hated thinking this way, because he wanted what was best for Sirius, and this person certainly would be a great match for him. However, Sirius tended to be a little self-destructive, and if the relationship eventually went sour, it would have very bad consequences. 

This leads to James’s final problem with his promise: Remus Lupin. Their best friend since the age of eleven, who trusts them so wholly to keep him safe during his full moon transformations and to guard his secret that he is a werewolf. Remus Lupin is, of course, the object of Sirius’s affection. Aside from the aforementioned ‘ruining the friendship’ problem, Remus Lupin himself was a problem. You see, a core part of Remus’s personality- which has been so since the age of about 14- is that Remus flirts with everyone. Usually, it doesn’t really escalate past the casual flirting which he somehow works into every conversation he has. But this makes it rather hard to tell if he actually has feelings for Sirius. Sometimes, James thinks the flirting is elevated, but really, what does he know? 

And so here they are, officially one year out of school and still no progress on The Promise. James, who is training to be an auror, is talking to Sirius through their mirrors during his lunch break. 

“I’ve got to do something to wow him, ya know?” James, who has had this conversation a thousand times, absently agrees while leaning down to tie his shoes. 

“I think,” Sirius continues, “I’m going to paint him and show him.” 

“That’s a great- wait,” James suddenly realizes what Sirius just said, and his head snaps up to stare at him. “You’re going to what?” 

“I’m going to paint him… and show him…” Sirius repeats back to him like he’s dumb. As if he’s the one not making sense. 

“Why would you do that, Sirius?” 

“Why wouldn’t I? He’s always saying how much he loves my art…” Sirius then looks away from his mirror, and begins to gesture wildly with his hands as he speaks. “I just think my art is the best way to get my feelings across to him and just express myself…” He continues to speak but James is mid-panic about this new revelation as well as his realization that he only has a minute left of his break.

“Padfoot, please, do not paint him and show him. ” James is desperate at this point to stop his best friend from completely embarrassing himself. 

“Thank you for your input, but I think this one will really work.” James has no more time to argue. 

__________________________________________________________________________

It’s been about two weeks since Sirius last proposed his art idea, and he’s been impossible to dissuade. It’s so stressful for James that he has begun to have nightmares in which their entire friend group breaks up, and he and poor Wormtail would have to constantly split their time between Sirius and Remus. At least he knows he’ll never let Wormtail down. 

Sirius refuses to show James his artwork, stating that the “big reveal” could not be ruined. James does not know when this supposed reveal will be but he’s on edge until one day at work when he gets a letter in the mail. It’s from Remus, asking if they could please have a boy’s night sometime soon. Of course, James says he’s in- but it isn’t until he gets a response from Sirius saying they should all come to his apartment that Saturday that he realizes what’s about to go down.   
The last thing he thinks to himself on Friday night before he goes to sleep is Welp, I guess tomorrow is the end of the Marauders as we know it… 

__________________________________________________________________________

When he arrives at Sirius’ the next day he sees a giant canvas in the middle of the room, which if you know Sirius, is not an unusual sight. It still makes James sweat though, especially when Sirius sees him looking at it and throws him a wink. 

Besides this behavior though, they are having a regular fun time with the boys. They’re just sitting, catching up, drinking beer, and eating some pizza. This was much needed, and James finds that the atmosphere (and the multitude of beers, probably) helps calm him down until he forgets that it’s the end of them. 

He notices sometime during the night that Remus is being especially flirty with Sirius, but Sirius seems to be too flustered by how close they’re sitting to actually do anything. It’s at this point that Sirius stands up. 

“Remus,” He takes several deep breaths. “I need to show you something.” Remus- who looks like someone just yanked a blanket out from under him, the way he’s leaning into where SIrius had been sitting- looks at James and Peter, looking completely perplexed. Despite this, he nods for Sirius to go on. James’ palms start to sweat. 

Sirius, uncharacteristically, says nothing as he pulls the tarp off of the painting. It’s worse than James thought it would be. Not that it’s bad… because it’s beautifully painted and incredibly life-like. It’s just that… well, Sirius had outdone himself. The canvas featured Remus holding a fur blanket strategically over his completely naked body. He’s lounged in a throne, with one leg over the arm of the chair, and-did he mention this?- only a fur blanket to cover his… sensitive areas. James feels Peter gasp next to him. Sirius is looking at the ceiling. Remus’ eyes are wide and his eyebrows are basically hitting his hairline. There’s a solid two minutes of silence, in which Peter and James are looking from the painting, to Sirius, to Remus, but nothing is happening. 

James almost accepts that they are going to be stuck like that forever. But that’s when it happens. A giggle- soft, and clearly restrained- makes its way out of Remus’ throat. Sirius whips his head down to look at the origin of the sound- which is now escalating to full on hysterical laughter. The panic is palpable between Sirius, James, and Peter.   
“Sorry,” Remus wheezes. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to laugh…” He continues to laugh, the liar. “It’s just…” He’s breathing heavily, and James can now see Sirius twitching, like he’s contemplating running out the door. Remus continues, “It’s just no one has ever done anything like this for me.” His laughing is calming down now. “I mean, how do I even react?” 

Sirius then looks angry, to be honest. And James doesn’t blame him, and he’s praying to every god he knows that he won’t actually have to pick sides in what is bound to be an ugly fucking mess. 

“If you don’t like it, that’s fine. But you don’t have to make fun of it, because I know I’ve done a damn good job on this.” Peter and James both know they should intervene, but they’re too busy sweating and volleying their heads back and forth. 

“Wait, you think I hate it?” Remus starts laughing again. He’s really not great at diffusing a situation, is he? “Sirius,” he says, standing up and grabbing his shoulders so Sirius has no choice but to look at him. “This painting is incredible… and as a matter of fact, I will be hanging it directly above my bed.” Peter and James both choke they gasp so hard.   
Sirius just looks confused. 

“You’re gonna… hang it above your bed?” 

“Yeah, that way you can compare it to the real thing,” Remus winks at Sirius. He doesn’t know how, but suddenly they’re all laughing, and Sirius looks embarrassed but also incredibly pleased. And they spend the rest of their night like it’s normal, drinking and eating and talking, but this time with the painting staring down at them and with Sirius and Remus cuddling the whole time. So when Peter falls asleep on the couch, James also pretends to fall asleep. He also pretends not to hear Remus and Sirius sneaking off to Sirius’ bedroom. 

He does, however, make as much noise as possible waking Peter up and pulling him out of the apartment, so they’d know they were gone. As he closes the door, he notices the painting has been pulled off of its eisle.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked! This was supposed to be done last month but life just be like that sometimes... I also barely edited this so lmk if u see any exceptionally bad writing


End file.
